D A D B L O G S
A dad blog by a geek dad with two geeky kids.
Death is a sensitive matter which children may not easily understand. Despite that, death is a fact of life which they must have an idea about so that they would not get the shock of their lives later on when something bad happens to their loved ones. A straightforward explanation does not have to be morbid. You can create a simple comparison of a loved one's death to the death of your children's pet for example. Did their favorite dog die because of sickness? Use such scenario as a direct representation of what your loved one went through. Explain further deeper realities that those who died can no longer come back to life no matter how hard your children may pray for it to happen. You will never know how children take in or process what you have just told them. It is important then to ask how they feel. Give them a pen and paper to draw or express what is happening inside them. Recognize any negative feeling they might share like anger, fear or sadness. Take time to talk them through the process of sorting out their feelings. Your support is very important to them as they seek for security. H is a friend who has been close to my wife and I since our first child was born. For that span of time that we've known him, he was a single parent to two daughters as his wife left without telling them anything. Now that the kids are growing up, H can see their need for a mother. If I were to be asked, I'd rather tell H to leave out remarrying in his future plans since he has already been alone with the kids for some years. Choosing to be a good and supportive friend, here are some insights I am sharing with him and to those caught in the same dilemma. Consider the kids - Ask whether the kids really need another parent. They are the ones who will find it difficult to adjust to the situation. Find a new partner whom they are going to like and accept like their real parent. Consider your finances - Are you in debt at the moment? Be sure you have erased all your debts before remarrying. Remarrying can open you to another season expenses especially if you plan to have another kid. My son has a totally different definition of bedtime. He thinks it’s an opportunity for him to organize a slumber party with his siblings. I once asked him why he wasn’t sleeping yet when I told him to go to bed an hour prior, and he told me that he’d gone to bed as I requested, but hasn’t slept because I didn’t exactly tell him to close his eyes and sleep. He was bouncing on his bed as if it was a trampoline and his sisters were giggling. I was so exasperated! But hey, I thought, maybe I should be more creative, especially since I have such a cunning little boy. But of course, I can’t tailor make a rule or punishment just for him. Whatever rue I make must apply to everyone. How to discipline your children when they devise ways to postpone bedtime? What to do when they keep making bathroom trips or find the need for a glass of water when they’re already tucked in bed, or keep telling stories and giggling when they’re already tucked in? Tell them that they don’t need to go to bed that night. Tell them that they can stay up for as long as they like. May I emphasize the word stay up, because they have to stand up facing the wall in separate corners of their room until you tell them that they can return to bed. If this doesn’t work, make them stand or at least stay in separate rooms of the house. If official bedtime is at 9:00 o’clock but your child always finds a way to move it to 9:30, set up a penalty. Everytime he or she fails to be in bed on time, tell him or her that she has to get into bed 5 or 10 minutes earlier the following evening. And let this rule be a long standing regulation and applicable to every succeeding infraction. If they’ve been good however, reward them with a 5 or 10-minute extension before bedtime, or if they complete the week, give them an extra hour up beyond bedtime over the weekend. My friends often ask me for parenting advice, and with the level of technology we have these days, some of their questions are technology-related. And in one particular occasion, a friend of mine asked for my views regarding the rampant use of tablets by many children. Practically every tech-savvy individual nowadays has an iPad, a different branded tablet, or a smartphone. That person could very possibly be a parent, and some of these parents might have considered purchasing such gadgets so their kids could play with them. Every tech-savvy parent wants his children to be as technologically advanced, if not more so. Everyone must ride the wave of the future, so to speak, and the future involves the most sophisticated, cutting-edge gadgets. And we want our families to ride that wave. But doesn’t having a techie family get in the way of responsible parenting? Doesn’t having technologically engrossed family members get it the way of forming interpersonal human relationships? Because of the simplicity of its intuitive touch mechanism, an iPad can be easily manipulated by a small child, or even a toddler. Even if a child hasn’t fully developed his communication skills, he most likely will have the instinctive abilities required to operate such a device. And once he grasps the concept of a game or app, he’ll be able to use it repeatedly. Bu is this right? Should we allow such young minds to immerse in tablet apps and games? One piece of parenting advice: Moderation is key. There is nothing wrong with a child who excels in playing a certain game. Video games actually enhance a person’s mind to hand coordination. But when the child plays games on an iPad practically 24/7, then you know that something must be done. Reading is a very enriching activity. It increases your child’s vocabulary and enhances his comprehension skills. Lots of stock knowledge and a good vocabulary increase your child’s confidence, and make it easier for him to express himself. He may turn out to be a good public speaker, or even a great writer. Being an avid reader opens many avenues of growth for your child, and even more windows of opportunity. We really should encourage kids to read. And as parents, we should be avid readers too. You know how kids are. They copy the habits of their parents. So we should lead by example, or rather, read by example. Encouraging our children to read doesn’t mean that we should prevent them from participating in other activities. Definitely not. We should not hinder them from pursuing other equally enriching endeavours. We should also fuel their other interests, whether it’s music, sports, art, or other forms of recreation. We should be supportive of our kids. They need our guidance, but they also need to learn on their own. And again, reading is one of the simplest ways through which children can learn. Read on! |
Hey there. My name is Jim. I'm a dad & I know some dad stuff & I like to write about them here. More about me.
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